| Just Friends |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
Yeah I am back on the self-esteem thing... well it is offically gone no more self-esteem for me... I just dont get it society want me to be -5 pounds fit in a size 00000000 pants... is that what i have to do become belimic... i dont know what anyone wants from me... I try to be my own person really hard... but just everything that is in front of me just gets me down.. all the skinny girls get the guys all the girls who are prettier than me... gah... is it too much to ask to want a guy who is nice and isn't a jerk but noo it just doesnt happen for me.... gah it hurts sooo much.. and dakota lord dakota hoffman what a guy.. I try to be nice i really really do i just want to be his friend but no every time i go to talk to him he has to say something about how he drinks all the time and about how he doesnt care what people think... then he writes stupid blogs on his stupid myspace about how christains think it is bad to drink and that they can just go drink there sorrows away b/c that is what he is going to do... what does he have to be soooo freakin sad about yeah his mom and dad is divorced and that sucks but that is it thats it nothing else... just that he just wants people to think everything is soo wrong.. he thinks all his friends know everything about the world and they are soo freakin smart... well then if they are soo freakin great why havent they been to other places then Alabama they havent even seen most of the world and they think they know about it all... THEY DONT most of them have never even known pain... and the ones who have probably made it for themselves.... GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like before i go to school i grab my mask and put it on before i walk out the door no one there will ever know how i really feel inside.. they wont know my dreams... what i really want to do.. how i really feel about people... nothing like that... b/c you cant talk about that stuff to these people all they care about is who slept with who and who is the next homecoming queen they dont care if your mom just died in a car wreck they will still make fun of you and when you go to the hospital they will call you stupid... no one cares about anyone in this cut throat world no one... I mean i know my friends care about me and i know my family does that is not what i am talking about...
Just humanity is soo freakin screwed up now... it drives me crazy
I dont even know myself most of the time though..
I just feel soo lost like something is missing like its there but I just cant see it... I just dont know anymore about anything..
but I will go right now
~Rachel |
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| Self-esteem |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
Hey everyone yeah soo I really havent been on here in a long long time...
no one will read this just to get my feelings out in the open...
soo I liked this guy right and I thought that if I just keep talking to him and flirting with him. He would like me back big mistake he likes this other girl and he told me who but i cant say b/c he would never trust me again. But anyways, I just gave him advice about the girl and he will probably go out with her.. and of course once again I get hurt just for once I wish I could feel like I am the prettiest girl in the room just once and when I start feeling that way not a prettier girl walk in or someone say something to me about something that is wrong with me... gah I wish that people could just see the real me... not just the front i put on... if they could they would see how broken i am inside 99.9% of the time... I just bury stuff deep inside me now.. I just go numb to everything now a days something bad happens and I just go numb.. I cant feel anything... I have taken soo many hits and I can only take so many at a time and right now they are numbered... I dont think i can take another one for awhile i might have a emotional break down if i do...
I dont know what is wrong I just dont know...
My dad is in jail and i miss him but i try not to think about it... i feel soo alone right now i always feel alone like no one understands me at all... i just wish someone would be like rachel it is okay i understand...
ya know... i just really hate myself right now that is it
~Rachel |
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| So who are you again?? |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|04:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  worried | ] |
Hey everyone!!!
Well it has been a good month of April soo far!!
Birthdays have been fun!!
Some of the friends are great!!
But one question
use to you liked this person a lot so do you still like them or is it
that you think y'all went out for to long??
Is it b/c you don't like him or is it that your friends don't think you should??
Do you ever think about him??
Or is it that you don't want to think about him??
Stop letting other people tell you how to feel!!
Or do you really feel this way!!
How will I ever know!!
Sometimes I feel like I know everything about you
at other times I don't even think you consider me a friend!
Sometimes I feel like I annoy you!!
Sometimes I feel like me and you will be friends forever!!
Sometimes I don't know!!
It seems that you don't let anyone in??
Why is that? are you scared people won't like you?
Or are you scared you won't like them as much as they do like you?
Are you even happy when I talk to you?
Or do you just want me to go away?
It seems like other people are more happy to see me than you are!
I love when we hang out!! But I don't think you do!!
Who are your real friends?? Do you even know??
I don't!
It seems like you hide stuff for some odd reason!!
If you do something I don't like I am not going to stop being your friend!!
You have always been like a friend to me!!
But am I not a friend to you??
When I ask you questions and I don't hear you the first time
you say never mind!!
I am pretty much deaf I can't help it!!
I feel like I look at you and I know you are thinking about stuff.. that you would never tell me..
because you think you can't trust me I am not going to tell you you should because that is your decision not mine!!
What is the reason of this whole thing I don't know I was hoping you could tell me!!
Because I was just wondering who you are and if I really am your friend I guess!!
Love you lots and lots
~Rachel |
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| Soo why?? |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|06:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
So I need to know even though I don't do it!! Why is it soo bad to drink again?? I won't ever do it either I am just asking I know why I don't and stuff but why do you not drink?? I think it is just stupid and kinda childish!! I mean you are drinking and acting stupid I mean it makes you act stupid and why would you want to act stupid ya know!! There are a lot of other reasons but Why do you not do it??
~Rachel |
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| Thanks Veitch |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
Yeah Thank You Adam Veitch For The Show it was nice of you!!!
I loved yesterday it was awesome!!! I got to spend all day with my friends!! I love them lots!!
And then show was awesome!! Josh and them called me on stage and announce that I was there manager which was awesome!! Against The Middle did great!! So did The Reagans and Suburban Skies!! Against The Middle has a show May 6 in Atlanta everyone needs to come if they can!!
But I think that I might have a show pretty soon I have to figure it all out but it will be for my birthday which is May 19 it is awhile away but that is a good thing for right now!! I love everyone!!
~Rachel |
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| Valentines Day can be sad!! |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|11:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Billy Joel- Piano Man | ] |
Hey everyone well this has been a crazy crazy week!! Yeah Tuesday was great b/c it was Valentines Day!! I got to see Dakota and he got me some great stuff!! But how can I feel good Tuesday knowing that someone has just lost someone!! It is a horrible thing to think about Death!!! But we still need to see it with our own eyes or we will be scared of it forever!!! I have been readin this book for awhile it is called Tuesday's with Morrie!! I think that everyone should read this book!!! It says something in there that I think is soo true!! Love each other or Perish!!! Love each other or Die!!!! It is just sooo great!! This book deals with lifes greatest lesson DEATH!!!! And many many more lessons like love, marriage, fear, and a whole lot more!! I know y'all aren't getting any of this I love all of y'all bye
~rachel |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|01:06 pm] |
Hey everyone yeah I know its been awhile!! Well I probably need to update some people!! Okay
well I have a boyfriend now his name is Dakota Hoffman yes I know alot of you know him!! And yes we are together and I couldn't be happier!! I went to this concert thing with the church yesterday I had a lot of fun!!! Tonight I am going bowling at 7:00 yeah it will be alot of fun!!! I have a new house but I know most of you know that because you have come over and played WORMS PARTY!!! Yeah it is a great game!! Jessica and Ces are two of the greatest people in the world!! The make me happy especially there shirts!! Which alot of people don't like but hey I did so what does that matter!! Now they know who will have there backs and who won't well this is about all!! Oh yeah if you want to know what I am talking about the jessica and ces thing go to jessica b's new blog on myspace that says ( to most talked about girls in school) You might now agree with it but hey that is your own opinion!!!
LOVE YA
~rachel |
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| Church kid?? |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|05:51 pm] |
Well i had a good day i get to go to church in a little while which i love church!!! Gah i have turned into the little youth group kid this sucks but who cares. Anyways school was alright so that is about all bye ya'll
~rachel |
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| its been awhile |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|01:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dirty little secrets- all american rejects | ] |
Hey everyone it has been awhile it really doesn't matter though because no one reads my livejournal!! But hey it doesn't matter because i am still going to sit her and type this!! Weli don't feel good at all my nose hurts and my ribs hurt a little i think it is just a little cold!! The dance is tomorrow that should be soooo much fun!! Going single which kinda sucks but hey i still get to go so i am happy!! i invited this one guy his name is Chance but he couldn't go because of his mom!! But i get to get all dressed up and i can't wait it is going to be so much fun!! I have a black and white dress!! I will try to get pics to show everyone hopefully i will look great!! Got a house stayed in it last night slept on the sofa it was alright i like it people should come and see it!! Have to write a essay thingy for bailey to help us get a bulding but i am sure most of you already know about it!! So that is what i am about to go do is write that essay thingy so i can give it to bailey because he really needs it!! |
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| Hey |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|10:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thankful | ] |
Hey everyone!! Thanks for everything you have been doing for my family. You all are some of the best people in the world. No one in this world has a better family, or better friends, or better church, or better school than i do right now. I talked to josh last night. It was soo great to talk to him. Because he knew what i meant when I said alot of stuff. But also it was a good night anyways. Because i got to go hang out with jon and amelia. We played karaoke revolution which was sooooo much fun we have to do it again sometimes guys. Oh yeah and how could i forget the bible game. DO UNTO OTHERS!!! lol funny stuff funny stuff. Well I love all you peoples on here.
~rachel |
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| Life |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|02:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Hey everyone well I have had a alright week!! Went to kentucky not to long ago one of the best trips I have ever taken the only trip that compares is Camp!! But my grandfather is in the hospital which sucks kinda!! He had a stroke!! Which is bad!! But at the same time I am happy because it has only been me, val, moma, and josh at the house. Even though it is horrible for me to feel this way i wish they wouldn't come back.... I mean not for him to be hurt but just us live there!! 99.9% of the time I feel like I am losing my family!! I wish it was like it use to be when i was younger like me val josh moma and daddy!! half the time i don't get to see josh which sucks!! my moma never really talks anymore and valerie is gone to work and when she is not gone to work she is talking to matt or doing homework!! My dad is in jail soo i mean need i say more!! and it really doesn't matter when he gets out because he won't live with us anyways!! I feel like i am alone half the time!! But i have been sooooooo happy this week because we are all live in the same house right now!! and it is like old times!! it just makes me sooo happy!! but at the same time makes me feel bad that i am happy!! but is it so bad just to want to live with your family instead of your ma-maw and paw-paw!! i mean really!! I have a 93 in spanish and a 80 in history and a a in ag. I know i think that i have a C in chemistry which makes me mad because i try sooooo hard i there!! but back to what i was sayin!! wish this week would last forever!! like you know the part were we all live in the same house!! well if you havne't heard i am the manager of against the middle now so if you need to ask a quesiton you can ask me!! but most likely i am sure you will ask josh!! lol!! i am gald that i am the manager but the thing is i don't really think any of them take it seriously which sucks becuase i do!! I already have them a show with this one guy!! and i am tryin to get them more!! but you know how that all goes!! well i am at school and the bell just rang so i got to go bye
~rachel |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|07:05 pm] |
Hey everyone, guess what ETOWAH beat Gadsden 27-21 that is like the greatest ever!! first in region still 3rd in state right now i am watching the auburn game so i don't know what there score is of course!!
well i got to go bye
~rachel
p.s. against the middle is about to have a myspace page so you better add them |
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| I am a movie ho 149 |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|02:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | school yard heroes-Boyfriend | ] |
Put an X by the movies you've seen.
If you get more than 70, you're a movie ho.
I guess i am a big movie ho!!!
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean.
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club.
(x) Starsky and Hutch.
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles.
(x) Garden State
(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
(x) AnchorMan.
(x) Napoleon Dynamite.
(x) Saw
( )White noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
Total here: 13
(x) 50 First Dates.
( ) Jason X
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
( ) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Resident Evil I
(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
Total here: 29
(x) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo.
(x) finding neverland
( ) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen going on 30
( ) I Robot.
(x) Dodgeball.
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came A Spider
( ) Deep impact
(x) we were soldiers
Total here: 41
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents.
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x)The Ring 2
( )Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.
( )Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(x)Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( )Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x)I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( )hild's Play
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Charlie and the Chocalte factory
(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( )Joy Ride
( )Seven (SE7EN)
(x) Oceans Eleven
( ) Oceans Twelve.
( )Identity
Total here: 71
( ) Lone Star
( )Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x) Independence day.
( )Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( )Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss' Daughter
(x) Maid in Mannhaten
( )Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
Total here: 78
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump.
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-men 2
( )Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Ring of Fire
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
(x) Old School
( ) Ray
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( )They
Total here: 88
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x)A Walk to Remember
(x)Boogeyman
(x) Hitch
( ) Back Door Sluts 9 <---That's actually a movie? I thought South Park was just making up porno.
( ) Anal Acres 1
( ) Anal Acres 2
( ) B-Cup Divas
(x) The Fifth Element
( ) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace.
( ) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones.
( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith.
( )Star Wars episode IV A New Hope.
( )Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back.
( )Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi.
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
( )Air Force One
(x) For Richer or Poorer
( )Trainspotting
( ) People under the stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of music
(x) Parent Trap
(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator...
( )Empire Records
( )SLC Punk
(x) Meet Joe Black
( ) Wild girls
( )A Clockwork Orange
( ) The Order
(x) Spiderman
(x) Spiderman 2
( ) Amelie
Total here: 103
(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x)The Incredibles
( ) Collateral
(x) The Fast & The Furious.
(x) 2 Fast 2 Furious.
( ) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
( ) Closer
Total here: 109
(x) Titanic
(x) Saved
( )Bowling For Columbine
( )Farenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) Artificial intelligence (AI)
(x) Love actually
( ) Shutter
(x) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess diaries 1
(x) Princess diaries 2
( )Constantine
( ) Million Dollar Baby
( )Envy
(x) Eurotrip
(x) Malibu's Most wanted
(x) Big Daddy
( )Black Sheep
(x) The Breakfast Club
( )West Side Story
Total here: 121
(x) A Christmas Story
(x) Spanglish
( )Pulp Fiction
( ) Sleepover
( )The Evil Dead
(x) Killer Klowns From Outer Space*
(x) The Seed of Chucky
( )Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
( )Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
( )Interview With The Vampire
( )The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
( )Reservoir Dogs
(x) Wayne's World
( ) Queen of the Damned
Total here: 127
(x) Wayne's World 2
( ) 21 Grams
( )Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
( )Clerks
(x) Beauty and the Beast
(x) Guess Who
(x) Monster In-Law
(x) Elf
(x) Stuart Little
(x) Stuart Little 2
(x) Mall Rats
( ) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
(x) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Total here: 139
(x) Beetlejuice
( )The Last Samurai
(x) The Amityville Horror
( ) The Aviator
(x) Romeo and Juliet
(x) Barbershop
(x) Beauty Shop
(x) Legally Blonde
(x) Legally Blonde 2
(x) The Forgotten
(x) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
(x) Grudge
Total: 149 |
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| hey |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|05:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | who i am hates who i've been-relient k | ] |
Hey people whats up?? Nuthin much here we get report cards thursday!!! I also went to the florist today during 2nd block because we have to make a flower arrangement for nationals it was so much fun!!! I loved doing it!! I think i made a pretty darn good flower arrangment!! I will try to take a picture and show everyone it might not be a good one but it will be one!! well that is about all that has happened today!! well i love you guys bye
~rachel |
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| hard day!!! |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|02:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
hey people what is up?? well i have had a alright day!! kinda hard at the same time though!! well someone who is goin to go unnamed was telling me today that i had not reason to be a Auburn fan!! which doesn't make sense!! he told me that no one in my family went to auburn so why was i a auburn fan and then i told him i was raised a auburn fan!! I said my granny is a auburn fan my aunt is and my mom is and then i said my dad is!!! And this person knows my dad is in jail and he said well he really doesn't count does he!! it made me feel so bad!! oh my gosh i wanted to cry!! going to the game tonight etowah and emma samson!! last game ever kinda harsh ya know!! everyone should come out for this game!! kinda having a hard time right now guys wish i could not say that not goin to go into detail why because i don't want people to get mad at me!! well i love all of you yours truly,
rachel |
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| Hey Everyone!! |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|02:37 pm] |
Hey people what is going on?? Me nothing much!! well alot has went on this week but i kinda don't want to go there! lets just say that me and one of my best friends aren't friends anymore!! Which is great!! But i get to go to the game tonight I am so happy!! I can't wait!! If Etowah wins tonight and Oxford betas gadsden!! Then Etowah will be number 1 how great is that! I know it is great huh!! well that is about all i am goin to write!! oh yeah if ya'll were wondering it is Magan Richey who is not my friend!!
that is all love ya'll bye, rachel |
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| hey |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|04:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Ataris- Saddest Song | ] |
hey peoples today i went and saw excorsism of emily rose it was kinda weird kinda creeps me out when i think about it you should see it on a better note Etowah beat oxford 28-0 and Auburn beat Mississippi state 28-0 yeah that is great huh!! i really hope etowah goes far!! and my uncle won $300 on his little gambling thing!! and i am goin to play bingo tonight matt w. is probably goin with me!! gah he is a great guy!! he thinks about everyone else before himself!! if you don't know him ya should know him because he will make you feel great!! well i guess i am going to let you guys go bye, rachel |
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